Things To Do

Here is a list of things I need to do in the near future:
1. Make Dru Draper's wakeboarding DVD
2. Make Mitchell's wakeboarding/intertubing DVD
3. Sew some pants
4. Sew some more pants
5. Find a gift for a gift exchange with the staff
6. Print pictures of kids from Honduras
7. Mail printed pictures to Honduras
8. Save money to go to Japan
9. Go to Japan
10. Get my fingernail fixed (I broke the tip off)
11. Exercise
12. Eat healthier
13. Learn more about Fibromyalgia diet plans
14. Stop drinking soda altogether
15. Blog more regularly
16. Finish the Twilight series

There you have it...what needs to be done.

Now here is what I WANT to do:
1. Sleep
2. Eat anything and everything
3. Lay on the couch
4. Watch tv
5. Repeat numbers 1-4 over and over again

Tats

I am sitting here watching LA Ink and thinking about my first tattoo.  I am pretty determined to get one I just need to decide where I want it.  I really want to get a flower tattoo to memorialize my grandmother.  I am set on getting a hibiscus flower and maybe a plumeria too.  I found one online that I really like.  

Bit by the Baby-bug

It has been on my mind and heart since we got married.  I would love to have a child.  I have been babysitting since I was 9 years old and have always loved holding and caring for small children.  I know that I am meant to be a mother.  

I am so ready, but at the same time, I know that I still have a lot to learn and grow from but I really do want to have a child with John.  It is hard to be around his family and get the question, 'when are the kids coming?' or 'when I am going to get grandchildren (from both families)?'  

I am looking forward to being pregnant and having my own child to take care of.  Don't get me wrong, I love looking after Adelaide and Ezra, but I want my own.  I know I am still young and have many years ahead of me, but why not start now?  I want to have a child while we are still living with Justin and Amy so that I have live-in support and guidance.  With John being done with school so soon, it would be nice to start thinking about, and talking about, the possibilities/options of conceiving our first child.  

Ultimately, I have to remember that God has a plan for me and my life and in due time he will grant the desires of my heart.

Treatment

I have officially started treament for my Fibromyalgia. I am nearing completion of week #1.

After visiting with my Kelley Kennedy, I decided it was time to face my FM and stop dealing with the pain. I have to fix this and beat it. I am not going to let FM take over and keep me down.

I went to the doctor a week ago and asked for a treatment plan. The doctor gave me two meds: 1. Trazodone - an anti-depressant medication to help me sleep through the night as well as to help with my lack of motivation and down spirit.
2. Salsalate - an anti-inflammatory medication to help ease the pain and reduce the inflammation in my muscles.

So far I haven't really noticed a difference in the overall pain and fatigue that is caused by FM. I do feel like I am sleeping better at night and getting more sound sleep. However, the pain and muscle aches have not subsided at all. I know medications take some time, but I thought the pain reliever would be faster acting. I have another appointment scheduled in a month to go back and check my progress.

Please pray that this will help and that I will be able to be motivated again and pain free eventually.

Weekends

John and had a great time away this weekend. On Saturday we went to Oceanside to visit another church and were very sad by the way we were met. It just wasn't a fit for us. It was a long drive down on Saturday morning but we decided to turn right around and head home later that evening so we could sleep in our own bed and get up and go to our church.

On Sunday morning I got to sleep in and go to church at First Pres. Is was refreshing to be "home." John and I really love our church and the friends and family we have made here. It was so nice to be back with people we know and love.

After church we went with some of our closest friends (the Souza, Lofgrens, Sperrys and Emily Van Voorhis) to Zuma beach. It was such a hot day yesterday that everybody had the same idea. We sat in traffic on Los Virgenes and on PCH for quite some time. Little did we know there was a Chumash Indian Pow Wow happening near Pepperdine. I would have loved to go see that but we were on a mission to get to the beach! It was so nice to just lay out in the sun, have great conversation and play a few games. We ended up staying until almost 7:00 p.m. On the way home we stopped in Calabasas to eat at Red Robin which was refreshing. I give props to Kiley for not having a meltdown (no nap and she was still going strong at 8:30 p.m.).

These weekends and times are the ones that make me want to stay in the valley for many years. I don't want to leave these people and this church. If we could just transplant that would be ideal but I know that would never happen. I have never felt like I belonged somewhere like I do here. I miss my family in Washington and Oregon, but I have a bigger family here and besides, John's family is close to us now. This is my "home." It is where my heart is. I hope this process of searching is over soon. It is very tiring and emotional draining. God has a plan for us and we (really I) just need to be patient.

Space

Today I am feeling really down. I am sad and depressed and unmotivated and I don't really know why.

I have been sitting here staring at my computer screen for some time now and I have no desire to do anything. Is there something about my office that depresses me? Is it the space, the color, the drabness or just the fact that I am not thrilled with the work that I do? Am I just not being fulfilled by my job?

Is there something that I can do to make my job (and my life) more enjoyable on a daily basis? Will I ever be motivated and eager to do my work at this job? Would painting my office help? I should go buy stuff that is pretty for my desk.

Maybe there is more behind my unsatisfaction. Maybe there are deeper issues that I need to find and work out.

But for today I am in a slump. I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Why can't I just be happy?