Monday, December 13, 2004

Where am I?

Today was my second full day back to Washington, and I have to say it feels very awkward. I feel like I am in a foreign land or something. I woke up this morning around 11 to head to downtown Seattle to the Paramount. "The Lion King" is playing and my mom wanted to get some of us tickets to see it but she couldn't get them at Ticketmaster, so I had to go down to the box office. YAY!! Driving in Seattle with the truck (a manual transmission I might add). Not too fun on the hills of downtown. All the Paramount had for tickets were individual seats so my mom said no thanks, and I was left with nothing to do and didn't want to just turn around and come home, so I drove around Seattle for a little bit and watched people from my car window and just took in the atmosphere of the holiday season. It is so pretty down there, with all the trees lit and people walking with big jackets and seeing all the store decorations. But I was lonely, I miss my friends from the valley and none of my friends from here are back from school yet. So I drove back to Issaquah and had lunch with Mommy, and then headed to Grandma's house to visit with her. She is lonely too. I sat with her and helped her cut out pictures to put in her Christmas cards and talked and caught up on life with her. Then I headed home. When I got home, I didn't just want to sit in front of the tv, so I tried to keep busy. I checked my email and my grades online, nothing. Ok, now what? So I went into the living room to turn on the radio but then that didn't help, I still had nothing to do. So I ended up just sitting in front of the tv trying to think of something to do. My mom came home and needed my help putting desserts on a tray and then she left again. So I was alone once again. Today has been a day of loneliness for me.

These are days when I sit and think about my life. I sit and pray and thank God for what he has given me in California. I thank Him for all my friends and family. I thank him for the wonderful world that He has created, and all of the amazing things he has given me to look at in Seattle. It really is a beautiful place and I do love it here, it is just that I am not sure if it is home or not.

What is home? I have been defining my home as: the place where I am not. This means that while I am living in CA, my home is Washington. If I am in WA, then my home is California. Is this true? Or is home, where the heart is? If that statement is true, than I have two homes but right now my heart is in California. has a few good definitions of what home is. It can either be, The physical structure within which one lives, such as a house or apartment, or an environment offering security and happiness or a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin. The first one makes me thinks WA is my home, but then again I do have an apartment in CA, so I don't know. The latter definition makes me think of CA as my home. The environment that I am in down there offers me protection and security, as well as a lot of happiness, it is my refuge. The people that I am around in CA make me feel secure and safe, and protected, and that is what I love about CA. I don't know how I could live without those people (and hopefully they know who they are). They are amazing, and make me feel amazing when I am with them. Ok, enough blabbing, and enough sobbing.

I am going out to dinner with my dad and my bro. Peace:(

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