Saturday, January 08, 2005


I just want to start off by saying congrats to Justin and Amy on their wedding day. They are so cute together and today was beautiful despite the rain.

As most of you know, I have been doing lots of reading and thinking over the past month while I have been home in Washington. It has been very enlightening, but at the same time, very dark and depressing. I don't know what I am supposed to do with all this information and knowledge. Where do I go from here? Recently I have been just laying around feeling miserable, and I don't know the cause.

I have been feeling lost. I don't know my place in life, I don't know where I am supposed to be. My mind is blurred with thoughts of love, passion, romance, and many other feelings. I am torn between two wonderful places and I don't have a sense of belonging, a sense of "home." I love so many different people in both places that my heart aches everytime I have to say goodbye (which has been frequent lately). I am tired of missing out on things that happen when I am not in town, I am tired of coming home to an empty nest with no one around. I came to my apartment this weekend and felt like I was moving into the dorms for the first time. It all felt so foreign to me. I was lost, I didn't know what to do with myself except cry and be sad and lonely. Then I realized that I was home and that I needed to get over my wollowing and do something about it, and I did.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that I feel a lack of direction, a mixture of unpleasant emotions, and more that I just can't put into words yet and that I haven't figured out. All I ask is that you pray for me however you feel led. Thanks.

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